


Greys and blues of love

by nccis



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Frost Giants - Freeform, M/M, Post-Avengers, mate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-22
Updated: 2012-07-22
Packaged: 2017-11-10 11:36:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/465834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nccis/pseuds/nccis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Kiss him.”</p><p>“What?” Loki said before he could stop himself, turning to look at Odin. </p><p>“I said,” Odin replied slowly, “kiss him.”</p><p>Loki turned to look at Thor, wondering if he was still breathing. “Why?”</p><p>“Stop asking questions. Do as I say.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Greys and blues of love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sonnss](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sonnss).



> **A/N:** Post-Avengers.

As soon as they got to Asgard, Thor fell face-first on the ground. Loki barely had time to take in Thor’s skin, which had suddenly gone _grey_ , his clipped lips and what looked like blood running out of his ear. They were surrounded by Odin’s warriors, separated, and Loki was dragged into the dungeons.

Infinite days in the darkness were to follow.

At first, Loki spent all of his time wondering what had happened to his brother. _Did something hit him on the way back?_ Perhaps a spell, or perhaps travelling had damaged his being. It had looked like nothing Loki had ever seen. A thought that perhaps Thor might not be alive any longer started settling on his chest.

The more Loki considered it, the more he once again became consumed by the shades everpresent in his heart.

He had been thrown in prison, and nobody even bothered to come and see him. He had been stripped of his right to live in Asgard, and when he had busied himself elsewhere, Thor had come to take him back. For _justice_. Loki wondered if Thor had known that Odin’s idea of justice for him was to throw him into darkness to rot.

When the door was finally opened, Loki was so consumed by these thoughts, heart so full of poison, that he was ready to kill his excuse of a father, just as he had done to the biological one.

Even so, he had not been prepared for it to be _Odin himself_ that stepped into the foul-smelling cell and looked down at Loki.

“My boy,” Odin said. “You have done terrible things.”

Loki said nothing; he was considering whether it would be beneath him to spit on his father.

“I am sorry for not having been able to come to you earlier.”

_Lovely_ , Loki thought idly.

“I take it that you noticed Thor’s state of health,” Odin continued. “While in Midgard, I postponed his – illness - by means of magic. This controlling of symptoms was only temporary. Only to keep him capable of retrieving you. As you can certainly appreciate, anyone less than your brother would never have succeeded in bringing you back.”

Loki thought of Thor's grey skin.

“Your trial, fair and sound, will come in its time. Now, however, we need your help. I would ask for your assistance but I do not quite believe you would willingly help. My apologies, Loki.” Odin turned to face the guards. ”Remove his chains, put back the muzzle. Bring him to Thor’s chamber.”

_Thor’s?_

  
    
xx  

  


Lying down on his bed, surrounded by sweaty and tormented looking maids, Thor looked like he was dead. In fact, he looked worse than dead. His skin was still grey, now complete with what seemed to be something black starting to spread from his fingers and lips, like he had been eating tar as messily as he used to eat meat at feasts. One of the maids kept on wiping his nose and ears, and the rag was red complete with black stains every time she finished. Thor’s hair had _started to fall off._

Something strange passed through Loki’s body. It was like a flash of emotion, only that it ran deeper, more guttural, somehow more pressing. He suddenly felt an urge to climb onto the bed with Thor.

At that, he nearly started laughing. If a few days in an Asgardian cell did this to him, then he should really toughen up. It was not like he had been brought back to the light of day for mercy or understanding. He was there because Odin thought he could help. How, though? Loki had tried to feel if Thor was possessed by magic but if he was, it was something Loki was not able to detect. Whatever was eating his brother alive was something Loki had never seen before.

Odin’s hand on Loki’s neck guided him to Thor. Loki felt his muzzle being removed.

“Kiss him.”

“What?” Loki said before he could stop himself, turning to look at Odin. 

“I said,” Odin replied slowly, “kiss him.”

Loki turned to look at Thor, wondering if he was still breathing. “Why?”

“Stop asking questions. Do as I say.”

_What is this now?_ Loki felt his skin starting to itch, unable to stop himself from leaning into Thor. “I am not going to do anything unless you explain me why.”

“Yes you will,” Odin snapped and pushed Loki’s head roughly against Thor’s. Their foreheads clashed together, and suddenly it felt as if the heavens had been torn apart.

The feeling started from his fingers that had moved on to curl around Thor’s biceps entirely on their own volition, moved up to Loki’s erratically beating heart, filled his mind with blinding _pleasure and need_ , and shot back down into the very pit of his belly, where the deepest emotions hide, making every cell of his being burn.

Loki let out an undignified sob and did the only thing he could: he pressed his lips against Thor’s. _More_ , he thought, and only a very small part of his mind was screaming murder at the incredulity of what was taking place. The rest _needed, wanted_ , he was running his hands through Thor’s frail hair, stroking his throat, feeling the muscles on his chest – and gently forcing his blackened lips open with his tongue.

Loki felt Thor’s lips moving ever so slightly in turn, his mouth opening to let Loki further in. Loki choked back a shameless moan and deepened the kiss. He could taste Thor’s prolonged, unnatural sleep, blood, and the oddest thing was that the flavour of what must have been the black substance coming from Thor's sickness was not foul at all. It tasted sweet, pleasant, and mingled perfectly with the feel of Thor himself, making Loki forget everything: where he was, who he was, what he was doing, and _he wanted so much_ –

Odin’s cold fingers curled around his neck once again and yanked him away. “Thor is gaining consciousness. Take Loki back.”

Loki felt too deflated to resist as the guards manhandled him out of the door. It took him endless time back in the hollow darkness of his cell to wrap his mind around what had happened, and even so he could not even begin to understand _why_ it had happened.

And why, by the Nine Realms, he wanted to go back to Thor’s chamber and kiss him again.

  
   
xx 

  


Loki was not overly surprised when the guards came again and tore him up. He was equally unsurprised when he saw where he was being dragged to.

That time around, Thor’s eyes were open, though glassy. Odin was standing next to him.

“Good day, Loki,” Odin said.

Loki replied nothing. His attention was overtaken by the look that had spread on Thor’s face at the sight of his brother. 

His eyes had brightened up, his chest had started heaving, he was trying to sit up straighter and an ever so slight smile was creeping to his lips.

“You know what to do,” Odin told Loki.

“I know what this is,” Loki said because regardless of the fact that he was currently vividly imagining how Thor’s neck would taste like, he was not going to give in just like that. “It’s some kind of spell gone wrong, possibly one that Thor was using to track me down. I suspect it is one of yours as it is something I have never seen. Thor and I have been bound together in some way, and for whatever reason only my proximity keeps him alive.” With enormous effort, he forced himself to grace Odin with the best of his glares. “How exhilarating, is it not, _father?_ You cast me out, you send your only son to hunt me down, and you end up needing to keep me alive to save yourself from losing your heir. How very ironic.”

“Kiss him,” Odin ordered. 

“Loki,” Thor whispered, barely audible.

At Thor's quiet plea, Loki’s knees buckled and a guard had to snatch him by his elbow to hold him upright. Loki wanted to scream, summon his magic or kill something, but he could do none of those under the control of Odin’s magic. Talking had exhausted all of his strength and there was nothing else he could do than to tear himself away from the guard, stumble to Thor, drop on his knees in front of his bed and run a finger across his throat.

Thor closed his eyes and arched his head back, his hands searching blindly after Loki’s robes. Loki observed the rough fingers curl around the fabric of his tunic but he managed feeble resistance when Thor pulled.

“What has become of the mighty Prince of Asgard?” Loki said. He stumbled up and sat on Thor’s bed, never breaking the skin contact. “What a sorry state you are in, brother. And to think it is all your fault!”

Thor looked at him, eyebrows twisting in pain. “Please…”

“You are begging. It is pathetic,” Loki told him. Even so, he was leaning down, desperately trying to resist the pull but failing. “In all of my disliking of you, Thor, I have to say I preferred you in your strength and glory. At least then you provided me the pleasure of taking you down. Now—“ his trail of thought was cut off by Thor’s quick exhale. Thor lifted his face up and touched Loki’s lips. Loki pushed him back on the bed.

That one, single touch had lit his face on fire, forced gasped breaths out of his mouth. “What—are—“ he tried to say, and then it was all too much, too much to resist, and he dropped his elbows on both sides of Thor’s head and leaned down, _finally_.

Thor let out a groan that resembled of the sound he made when he was badly injured in a battle. Loki felt Thor’s demanding palm against his jawline, the other one still grabbing his clothes, this time to try to pull Loki fully on top of him.

Loki tasted the intoxicating sweetness again, his body gone wild with desire. There was no denying of the nature of this desire any longer, no inch of resolve in him left to resist. He _wanted his brother_ like his life depended on it, and he was going to take what he wanted, he was going to drown and perish but he did not care because Thor was there, and Thor was arching his hips up, pressing himself against Loki’s thigh and Loki had never understood what desire was, what the very word meant, until that moment —

“Take him back,” Odin barked, and Loki was yanked back. 

“I will kill you,” he screamed at Odin.

  
   
xx 

  


Approximately three days of utter darkness followed; it was impossible to tell for sure as there was no sunlight. Loki had never felt such an agony, not even when he had left Asgard. That time he had at least had himself in check, every inch of his body vibrating with the same, consuming fury. 

Now it was all one nightmarish mess. One moment, Loki hated Thor and Odin more than ever and wove to himself to bring destruction upon them the next time he was let outside his prison. He made himself believe he could do it; if he tried hard enough he could break through Odin’s magic and use some of his to attack Thor. By destroying Thor he would destroy both Thor and Odin. For Odin, Loki wished a fate worse than simple death. He wanted Odin to pick up the fruits growing out of the of the seeds he had sown, to see his family in utter pieces, his heir gone, his stepson surviving to humiliate them all. It would serve him right.

Another moment, however, whatever this terrible magic was that had settled in Loki’s body was consuming him, tearing his mind to pieces. Over and over again he caught himself thinking of the way Thor tasted, the way his muscles moved underneath Loki’s fingers, the way his naked skin would feel, if Loki ever got to touch it properly.

Never in his life had Loki felt desire. And he was painfully able to see how suitable it was for his wretched existence that the one time he felt it, it was due to magic not love, and towards his own brother of all the people.

Around the third day, Loki had grown so agitated that he was contemplating on chewing the prison bars to escape. He was torn between wanting to go to Thor and wanting to escape to find a cure, because he was terrified that if he was to see Thor, nothing new would happen. They would kiss, and Odin would throw him into prison again.

The most worrying aspect of it all was that if there was a cure that Odin knew of, he would have used it with absolute certainty.

  
   
xx 

  


The third time around, Loki asked every possible question from Odin when they were still on the way to Thor’s room. Odin did not even honour him with a reply. His eyes were on Loki constantly, however, probably anticipating that Loki was already so anxious that he was ready to go into desperate measures to avoid what was to come.

Hatred burned in Loki, low and deep, but it did not prevent his body from heating up at the sight of Thor.

Loki's brother was sitting in a chair. His hair was combed and thicker than last time, shining in the sunlight coming from the window. He was wearing a simple, black tunic and loose black pants, and his skin was only slightly paler than usual, all shades of grey gone. 

A hazy smile spread on his face when he saw Loki.

“Brother!” Thor got up and extended both of his hands. Loki watched as a flicker of confusion spread across Thor's smile. His eyes darted past Loki to where Loki knew Odin was standing.

Whatever look Odin had on him at that moment, it made Thor uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he shifted his gaze to Loki and took another couple of steps forward.

It was too easy for Loki to argue that actually the idea that had just occurred to him was brilliant, and not only brilliant but the only idea he had left, the _only_ hope he had ever to get away from the mess he had been thrown into. The least insane part of his mind questioned whether it was just an excuse to get closer to Thor, and warned that it would be a path to destruction and if Loki went much further, he would eventually lose his mind completely and become unable to function without being consumed by the cursed magic. But it was too late, and it was too much – Loki took the remaining steps and walked straight into Thor’s embrace.

“Why did it take you so long to come back?” Thor whispered against Loki’s lips.

  


(Art by [sonnss](http://sonnss.tumblr.com/))

 

“I was—“

“You do not need to burden yourself with the details now, Thor,” Odin interrupted loudly. “Loki, be quiet.”

To Loki’s utter surprise, Thor pulled his face back to glare at Odin. “Don’t talk to him like that, Father.”

“You are right, I shouldn't,” Odin agreed immediately, which was even stranger. ”Don’t mind me, just go ahead.”

Thor moved his gaze on Loki’s face. Loki was trying all he could to think clearly even if his hands were moving to grab Thor by the hips. _Something is out of place_. At Thor’s newly returned smile, he realised it: Thor did not know Loki was living in the prison. It sounded like Thor thought Loki was keeping away on purpose. _What lies had Odin told him?_

Thor pushed one leg between Loki’s knees and they seemed to reach their limit at holding back at the very same instant. Thor grabbed Loki so violently and pulled him against his thigh so hard that Loki had to move his hands to Thor’s biceps for balance.

Their kiss was bold, fiery, unquestioning. _Brother_ , Loki thought and feared his stomach might explode from all that he was feeling. He wanted Thor alone, he wanted the cursed Odin to leave them alone, he wanted Thor to keep on kissing him until he was suffocating on it, he wanted Thor to _take him_ — 

The last thought was so terrifying that Loki gasped and pulled out of the kiss. Thor moved to biting his cheek. Small, tender, demanding and furious bites.

“Ah— Thor—“

“Mm,” Thor agreed and pressed his thumb against Loki’s jaw, the rest of his fingers possessively around his neck.

“I—want—“ Loki tried to gather himself, _what did I need to know?_ It was all so very hot under his skin, and if Thor kept on pressing into him like that then what could he do. _No, but there is something. A question_ — Loki pushed his mouth against the skin on Thor’s throat and sucked, Thor groaned, and then Loki remembered it. Prison. Odin. ”Thor,” he managed to whisper, ”what is happening? Why are you like this?”

“You—“ Thor began.

“Silence!” Odin growled.

“Tell me, Thor,” Loki pleaded, much more sober after hearing Odin’s voice. “What is this?”

“It’s—ah—“

“Take Loki back!”

“Tell me, Thor, tell me now!”

But Thor was too lost in what he was feeling, too oblivious that the time was up. Loki was torn away by the guards. He lost all his patience and, in an unintended imitation of his father and brother back in the day of his first betrayals, screamed in fury and frustration. He screamed at not finding out what was wrong, at being thrown back into prison after use, like an animal, at not being able to feel Thor’s body against him any longer.

  
   
xx 

  


Loki was sleeping on his side when he heard a whisper:

“Loki…”

He sat up in the darkness. “Who is it?”

“Shh, we cannot make a sound.” It was Thor’s voice.

“Are you real?” Loki asked. He had been thinking of nothing but Thor, and a hallucination would be the natural next step. Maybe it was how he would finally lose it.

“Where are you?” Thor whispered. ”I am against the bars – come here. I cannot see anything.”

“Did Odin tell you where I was?” 

“No. I felt you here. I always feel you, Loki. Come here.”

Loki got up and walked to the bars as quietly as he could. He ran his fingers lightly across them, towards the spot where he knew Thor was standing. _How do I know where he is?_ a part of his mind wondered as he found Thor’s warm fingers. Thor’s hand twitched at the touch.

It took all Loki’s willpower not to lean in and kiss Thor’s hands. “I do not know what is happening to us,” he whispered.

“I—I was not made aware of that,” Thor said, but it was more a sob. “It is so difficult to stand here and not touch you.”

“That what?” 

“Brother,” Thor said, and Loki felt an arm reaching through the bars to grab his shoulder. “Come closer.”

Somehow, Loki managed to stay still. “Not—before you explain me what this is.”

“Loki,” Thor was almost groaning. “Frost giants…have mates.”

“What?”

“Mates,” Thor repeated. “Frost giants mate for life, and they are bound forever to their mate. Able to feel their feelings, heal and protect, receiving all of the same in turn. The mate cannot survive without physical contact to the other. Not constant, but frequent. When you left Asgard,” now it was a sob for sure, “I could not go on, all of a sudden. I became sickly, I lost both health and the will to live. Mother searched for answers until she found writings about frost giant mating. That’s when it all came about. Until then, scarcely a week had ever gone by without us being near each other and touching each other one way or another...so nobody had known.”

_It was not magic_ , Loki thought and all his blood had run ice cold. Thor's hand stilled.

“So that’s why you wanted to find me,” Loki thought aloud. “You were dying and you needed to _feed off me_ to stay alive.”

“No!” Thor raised his voice, then seemed to remember what was at stake and fell silent.

“No?” Loki repeated quietly.

“All I wanted was to be with you. You don't understand how it was. Without you, I would have wanted to cease existing anyway.”

_No. This cannot be. It is wrong,_ and it was making Loki so very murderous. “No more,” he snapped and stepped away. He pressed his hands into fists and squeezed so hard his nails pierced through his skin. “Let me out of this dungeon.”

“I—can’t,” Thor said. ”Your trial—”

“As you can see, Thor,” Loki said, and thought of _heal and protect, receiving all the same in turn._ “I am rotting in prison Thor, they are making me drink dirty water and don’t let me eat, they drag me to you in shackles to be used, they have been denying me the trial you promised, instead treating me like a worthless criminal, _Odin_ is treating me like a worthless criminal—“

“I will bear none of that!” Thor shouted and lunged against the bars. For the first time for what felt like a lifetime, Loki felt a small flash of gleeful satisfaction. _Heal and protect._

It took a few full-force tackles from Thor until the bars gave in, but finally they did, breaking Odin’s magic that was keeping Loki at bay. Thor leaned in to touch, and Loki changed himself into a snake.

“Where did you go?” Thor said in the darkness, and as Loki slithered away, he needed to think of Jane Foster to prevent himself from turning around and returning into Thor’s arms.

  
   
xx 

  


Between Thor and Odin, Loki had not had too much time to appreciate what his mother may have been thinking of everything that had come to pass in the recent times; he considered it for the first time when he slid under her door and soundlessly changed back to human form. 

He was beside Frigga by the time she lifted her gaze from the book and clapped a hand on her mouth just in time to prevent her from screaming. 

“Listen, for now, don’t speak,” Loki hissed. “Did you know I had been brought back here?”

Frigga nodded. Her eyes were tearing up.

“Thor said that frost giants have mates. Is that true?” 

Another nod.

“Is there a cure?” Frigga shook her head. 

”Not good enough!” Loki snapped. ”You must hate this as much as I do, you must. I am sure you are searching for something, at least trying to find magic to break it. Surely you don’t want your only son to be bound against his will into something as terrible as this, and forever.”

Frigga stilled under Loki’s arm, and her eyes were wide, questioning. 

“What?”

She tried to wriggle free, mumbling something under Loki’s hand.

“Will you promise not to scream if I let you go?” Loki asked. Frigga nodded.

“It is not an illness, hence there is no cure. I went through every single book of spells we have,” she said immediately. “I found nothing, nothing at all, apart from story after another where an Aesir has found a mate in a frost giant, only to be tormented by rejection and eventually died by lack of contact. Thor cannot be without you, or he dies.” 

Loki smiled wryly. “I have understood that.”

Frigga reached out her hand hands, as if she wanted to reach for Loki’s robes, maybe pull him into a hug. Loki did not move.

“There is something I found though that might be of value for you to know,” she said and put her hands back into her lap. “How frost giants mate, is very complex. When between two Jotuns, the stronger one assumes the dominant role – one you are currently holding – and the other one becomes the mate. With Aesir, the mate has been without exception the Aesir of the couple.”

“Yes?” Loki was not sure where Frigga was getting at.

“True to the nature of Jotuns, the stronger one is the only one with genuine feelings. He was the one that selected his mate, and the bond forced an irresistible attraction into the mate. The mate is a slave to this bond, unable to feel anything but love and adoration towards the dominant one. Barely unable to breathe under the strength of his devotion.”

Loki felt so much at the same time that for a moment he was scared he would faint on the spot. Thor didn’t love him. Thor was—  
 bound — because he loved Thor. Loki loved Thor. Thor had not done anything, he hated Loki as much as Loki had always thought, but he had not anticipated that Loki would gain a power like this over him, simply by — _loving_ — how wretched —

Loki threw his head back and laughed until his voice became hoarse. Frigga sat still, head bowed and hair fallen in front of her face.

  
   
xx 

  


Loki hid in the shadows for the next three days, and despite the full alert in Asgard, Frigga did not say a word about his visit. Loki was mildly surprised but too uninterested to dwell on the why.

When he slid into Thor’s room, he instantly knew Thor was feeling worse again. His ragged breathing echoed around the room, its pace unnaturally rapid. He was wrapped in a white blanket. Loki walked to him soundlessly, and knelt beside the bed.

His whole body was aching to touch Thor, and when he lifted his hand to run his fingers across Thor’s stubble-covered cheek, he wondered for the first time why his desire for Thor had come out in such an explosive way, if it was all real and not magic-induced at all, and had been there since - when? Since they had been mere babes? Loki shuddered.

As if to answer that, Thor turned suddenly against Loki’s wrist and pressed a small kiss onto his skin. Loki started pulling his arm away but Thor’s lighting-speed hand was around his arm before he could do it, and in the next moment Loki was pulled off the floor and on top of Thor. Before Loki even had a moment to understand what was happening, Thor had slid both of his hands up Loki’s bare back and pressed his lips against Loki’s neck.

The friction, the smell, the touch — Loki realised with freezing terror that _he had always felt like this._ Nothing was different, save his awareness of the matter and the inability to resist the pull, caused by the prolonged time spent apart. He was full of hate, full of that need to get to Thor, full of that need to destroy everything else until it was just the two of them in the world, perhaps even destroy Thor for every moment he had look away from Loki — Loki groaned, and Thor took the opportunity to capture Loki’s mouth in a fierce, insane kiss.

Loki blew up the whole room, knowing that such an explosion was not enough to kill Thor. As Loki was flying gracelessly through the air, amongst bricks and furniture, he changed himself into a bird and dove down. Down, down, down.

  
   
xx 

  


The sharp red shine in their eyes, Loki realised, looked less hostile and more gleeful.

“Why would we ever help you? You brought us great news of the sickly state of Odin's heir, yes, so you must be out of your mind if we would aid your cause even as much as to tell you whether there is a way to break the bond. We do not want it broken. We want Odin and his warmongering heir broken. Consider yourself lucky if we let you go alive, traitor. ”

“I swear to you, as long as I breathe, I will seek nothing more than the end of Odin's rule and his painful end,” Loki said, unfazed by the threat. “I am simply proving you a more appealing alternative. Think of it this way. Would you rather wait for the house of Odin to fall because of its twisted hardships between the king's sons, or in the hands of a Jotun prince? You know as well as I do that Odin will find a way to take me back and imprison me again and keep Thor alive for millennia. However if you help me, I will not waste time. I will not hesitate.”

“You are not a Jotun prince,” one of them said. “You are an outcast of all worlds, you are nothing. You love Odin's heir.”

“Yet, I am the only one both willing and capable of killing Odin,” Loki said. “Help me and I will bring him down.”

“Saving your brother, of course.”

“I never said I will save him,” Loki replied. “As I have understood, I survive without him even if he does not survive without me. But before his death, I will need him in full spirits, loyal to me only. Trust me in this: there is no worse suffering for Odin to bear than to see Thor turning against him.” 

“So why seek a solution to breaking the bond? If that is done, the Thunderer will desert you.”

“You do not understand.” Loki adopted a bored tone even if the words hurt and frightened him. “If Odin knows Thor's feelings are forced, he will not feel the excruciating pain I wish to subject him to. He will take comfort in his belief that in truth, Thor never loved me. Odin will believe Thor died a warrior’s death in my hands." 

A few of the frost giants barked out a low-resonating sound. Loki realised it was their way of laughing.

"Are you trying to tell us that you believe that if you broke the bond, Thor would choose you over his father and king?"

No, was the truth, of course. Loki tilted his head. "You have not watched as Thor and I grew up. You have not watched us play together, fight together, live side-by-side for eternities. I have no doubt in my mind. Even if he had considered leaving before, even the removal of the bond cannot remove his righteous anger towards the way I was treated by Odin. He will stand by me." In the silence followed by this announcement, Loki made a point of looking bored. "Are we going to continue this senseless interrogation much longer? I have nothing to add. Is there a way to break the bond or not?”

The Jotuns shared glances amongst each other. Loki was not sure how to interpret the frowns on the faces of some, even less the sly smiles others were casting on him. 

Finally, one of them spoke.

“Lady Frigga possesses only limited knowledge of Jotun life. Of course there is a way to break such a bond; it is not like us to create something that cannot be destroyed. All you need to do is to kill yourself in front of your mate and let him heal you. If he does, the bond will be broken. If he does not, you will die.”

  
   
xx 

  


In the dead of the night Thor’s room was empty. The faint smell of him lingered in the air. Loki inhaled the scent, closed his eyes and thought of Thor. It was becoming easier to feel details: Thor was looking for him. With a little more focus, Loki became almost sure he even know where.

_Would I have been able to do this all my life if I have tried?_

_When... When did I go and fall in love with him?_

_It felt like a stranger was asking these questions in his head._

That time around, the cell was not completely dark. There was a small lantern on the floor, Thor kneeling next to it. Loki stayed in the shadows for a while and just watched.

Thor was sitting on Loki’s mattress. Loki thought Thor looked again like he had freshly returned from Hel with his grey-tinted skin and lifeless posture. He had black rings under his eyes.

Loki pulled a dagger out of his pocket and knelt beside Thor. His heart was pounding so hard in his ears that it was nearly impossible to hear anything. 

When Thor lifted his gaze, startled, Loki did not waste time. He succumbed to his wretched longing one last time, pressed his lips on Thor’s, licked them open with his tongue, grabbed the strands of hair behind Thor’s neck and lost himself, for just a passing moment, just a blink.

Thor was only starting to comprehend what was happening, his muscles tensing and mouth tongue starting to move, when Loki pulled back so that he had room to press the dagger through the skin of his neck.

“Loki—!“ Thor shouted but Loki had already done it by then, his throat was _spilling blood_ all over the place, on Thor’s hands, on their clothes, and very soon Loki became dizzy.

Not taking any chances, he had poisoned the dagger so that it would work even if he didn’t manage to draw enough blood. 

The poison took effect just before he lost consciousness. The last thing he felt was a violent cramp of pain shooting through the whole of his body.

  
   
xx 

  


It could have been a decade, a century, a little eternity. Loki opened his eyes, and the first thing he realised was that his face was wet.

Then he realised that Thor was holding his head in his palms, and the wetness was coming from Thor’s face. 

Thor was _crying_. Silently, but definitely crying.

_It worked,_ Loki thought mutely, happy that he had a moment to collect himself. He had gone head-first into death and made it back. The bond was broken, Thor would not be bound to him any longer.

“No need to cry, brother,” Loki said.

Thor jolted and looked down. “Loki,” he breathed and took Loki's face in his blood-smeared hands. “You are alive!”

“Of course I am,” Loki said, wriggled free of Thor’s hold and got up. He brushed his neck with his fingertips. There was blood all over the floor, still, but not even a scratch on his neck. “I broke the bond for you.”

“You broke the bond?” Thor kicked the dagger away as he got up. “It’s not possible.”

“Don’t trust everything your father says, Thor,” Loki sneered. “He is not omniscient.”

“Your death.” Thor was looking at the puddle of blood on the ground. "Somehow, I was able to reverse your death?"

"By wanting it, yes," Loki confessed reluctantly, "by holding me."

Thor stared. "That broke the bond?”

“Very clever of you, brother, I am surprised.” Something terrible was twisting inside Loki’s chest like a thousand snakes were eating each other inside. The bond may have been broken, but what had caused it in the first place was unbreakable. _Frost giants have mates._ He turned to go. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“Wait!” Thor’s chest was suddenly against his back, and Loki had to turn around to push him away.

“Wait for what? What do you want to say, Thor? How disgusting it is that I have apparently felt like this about you before I even knew it? How appalled you are to have kissed me? Don’t worry!” He shoved Thor again, harder. “I do not feel like that about you any longer. Why do you think I wanted to break the bond? All I feel for you is hatred, all the more so after having forced to bear with your repulsive advances.”

Thor looked like he had been punched in the face.

“So go back to your dear father now, Thor, and leave me alone. Try to refrain from searching me out this time because this time you do not have a reason beyond seeking further bloodshed. Goodbye.”

Loki walked out as fast as he could, before his face would betray something he did not want to convey. 

He had made only halfway through the empty jail corridor when the prison door behind him was kicked out so hard that it fell out of its hinges. Loki turned around with an exasperated sigh.

Thor was standing in the middle of the doorway, arms by his sides, chest heaving.

“ _What now,_ Thor?” Loki drawled.

“I loved you before.”

“I —  _what?_ ” Loki was sure he had heard something very, very wrong.

“I loved you before,” Thor repeated and started walking to Loki. “Do you think you are the only one realising things belatedly? Your misdeeds and unfortunate departure may have awakened me to understand that I need you so, but it does not mean I have ever felt otherwise. Mother says the bond only forms when both parties are of age. I wanted you before I knew what wanting was."

A part of Loki’s mind was thinking _this cannot be possible_ but the rest was too focused on Thor’s words, the curve of his upper lip, to think too much.

"When I lost you, I stopped caring about being a king," Thor continued. "I stopped caring about Asgard. I stopped caring about anything except bringing you home. I may be a fool but I know what’s in my heart, brother. After I saw you on that plane and felt your neck around my fingers, I knew for sure. I wanted you. I wanted you always, and I want you now. This — bond — it is meaningless. All it ever did was made my bodily powers weaken, which in turn made Father allow me to seek you out.”

“It also saved—” Loki started, and caught himself.

“It also saved your life,” Thor agreed, eyes searching Loki’s face frantically for answers. “What a fool you were.”

Loki still hated most of the world. He still wanted Odin dead more than anything, and his ultimate fantasy was to be able to watch Thor finish off Odin, to break Odin's heart into million pieces, as he had done to Loki. Then Loki wanted to march into Jotunheim and make them pay for what he was, and after that to Midgard and make Jane Foster pay for ever having touched what was his.

However, unlike before, Loki was now aware that underneath it all there was his tormented heart beating for Thor, and Thor only. 

When Thor touched Loki’s shoulder carefully, tentatively, Loki did not pull back. An eerie feeling of a once-in-a-lifetime moment filled him just a second before Thor’s eyes settled on his lips.

“You are not moving away,” Thor mumbled, getting ever so close.

“There may not be a point in doing so,” Loki replied. His blood was boiling and now that Thor was so close again, looking at him like that again, now that he _knew it was all for real, FOR REAL,_ there was nothing, nothing he could have wanted more than to lose himself in Thor’s embrace.

How to voice such a need? Loki had never voiced needs. He had spent all his life fulfilling those of others. In the footsteps of his arrogant brother, under the demanding eye of his father. 

But unlike Odin, Thor had given him something back. One look into Thor’s eyes proved that he would give back even more. Anything Loki would ask.

There was only one thing he wanted at that moment, but he wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

“Take me, Thor.”

Thor exhaled sharply. Blue eyes searched Loki’s face, wild, questioning.

“ _Now, Thor_ ,” Loki hissed and pressed his hips flat against Thor’s, making sure that Thor understood what exactly he meant by taking.

Loki had never heard Thor make such a sound before, like a mixture between incredulous laughter and a _growl_ of pleasure. Then Thor’s hands were already all over him, and Loki closed his eyes with a sigh when the room span around him.  

Thor carried him back to the mattress and put him down, set himself on top of him. “Yes, brother,” he mumbled against Loki's throat and pressed his hips against Loki’s.

He was so hard… _Hard for me,_ Loki thought, light-headed. Thor, the golden prince, admired and feared by all the Nine Realms. He could have had anyone, and he chose to spend his night with — 

Thor bit on the skin just above Loki's collarbone, hard. Loki forgot the rest of his thought, arched back and moaned. His fingers brushed against Thor’s bicep and suddenly he realised how much he wanted to feel Thor’s skin. All of it. So he vanished all of their clothes with a quick spell.

Thor let out a short chuckle but did not take his mouth off Loki’s skin. His hands started wandering though, and Loki thought he could faint from the sheer feel of Thor’s heat against his. 

The man was so broad, so hard underneath the skin. Their bellies pressed together with every inhalation, and _this cannot be real_ Thor was so hard against Loki’s thigh that Loki had to bite his cheek to prevent himself from coming. 

Nothing he had ever experienced was anywhere near what was taking place on that dirty mattress, in the dim light of the lantern.

“Already, Thor,” Loki ground out. 

Thor lifted his head to look into Loki’s eyes. His hand slid between them, and it took all Loki’s self-control to keep on looking at Thor even when he felt a hand wrapping around him, starting to move in slow, tender strokes. 

“There—ah—there will be time when we can do this slowly,” Loki whispered and felt a terribly unfamiliar flash of shy happiness at the smile Thor granted him upon hearing that, “but now I need you to take me. Are you a man enough to do what I ask?”

Possibly even more intimidating than the hand was the way Thor’s gaze darkened, _his whole face dropped a tone_ , as he took in Loki’s words.

But then Thor was already on his knees, arranging Loki’s legs on his shoulders. With a lazy flick of his wrist, Loki made himself wet on the inside.

“Done quickly like this, it will hurt.”

“Nothing beyond what I can handle.”

“Loki…” Thor positioned himself, Loki willed himself to relax. Even though he was slick, it would indeed hurt. 

“Yes.”

Whatever Thor was going to say was lost. He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again and Loki thought briefly that he could have been looking at an animal. Thor pushed in slowly but mercilessly, hands on both sides of Loki’s head, breath hot against Loki’s forehead.

Once in, Thor stilled, and they stayed there motionless.

“Never again,” Thor whispered. “Never again leave.”

Loki lifted his head from the mattress to press a kiss on Thor’s lips. “If I will, you will come with me or I will have you die.”

“Loki…” Thor pressed their foreheads together and started moving. “Loki, Loki, Loki, it was always you. Always you, never anyone else, always you…”

“Always,” Loki agreed, and thought of trying to sneak a hand between them to do something to prevent this from being over too soon. He wanted it to last, he wanted to last, he wanted to stay in the moment forever. A moment where it was dark, it was night, pain and pleasure knew no difference, Thor was alone with him and wanted to be nowhere else. Where there were no worlds to govern or destroy. Loki ran his hands across Thor’s arms, felt his shoulder muscles, felt Thor spreading him open and touching every fibre of his insides, and “Thor—I am going to—“

“That’s fine,” Thor panted. “I cannot last a second longer, not with you Loki, not with you—“ his voice melted into a growl, and Loki let his knees drop to the sides. He spread his legs, relaxed his muscles, felt pleasure gathering into his stomach and he was _letting go,_

_for the first time in his life Loki was letting go._

  
   
xx 

  


“Does breaking the bond hurt?” a Jotun child asked his mother that night.

“You silly child, you should not have been listening to us talking to that pathetic wreck of a being,” his mother laughed. “Aesirs have such a primitive concept of time. There is no such thing as breaking a bond, because there never was a time when that bond did not exist. It is as sure as the fact that there is no love that is not real.”

“Good, I like love,” the child said, and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** So, my favourite plot cliché: the mate! It all started out with “Draco is a veela and Harry is his mate”, and I re-found the pleasure with this ever-great “Loki is a frost giant and Thor is his mate” (I’ve read a couple, recommendations are welcome!) There can never be enough mate fics in the world!


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